Awesome Original: Weak Takes for the Week.

Ah, just as we've always suspected.
Madonna's a top.








1) Guy Ritchie says making love to Madonna like making love to gristle.
Guy's best man told him on his wedding night to "Lie back and think of England for the next 10 years."

2) GOP spends 150K on Sarah Palin's Clothing.
Didn't know that Neiman Marcus had a hockey mom section.

3) Terence Howard Calls Being Replaced By Don Cheadle The Surprise of a Lifetime.
So what would Howard have called it if he was replaced by Verne "Mini Me" Troyer?

4) William Shatner Upset George Takei Didn't Invite Him To Wedding.
Good to know that Shatner's expanded his acting range to include Bitchy Queen.

5) According to mom, Nick Hogan went into prison a boy and came out a man.
True, being traded for a pack of Pall Malls is a rite of passage towards manhood.

6) Kids Now Less Likely To Graduate than Parents.
Expect to see bumper stickers in the future: Proud Parents of a High School Drop Out.

7) CDC Recommendations Vaccinations for Smokers.
And if that doesn't work, spaying and neutering.

8) A Woman in Sacramento Was Caught Stealing a Duck From a Pond.
The woman claimed it was going to be a pet for children, at least until dinnertime.

9) Daunte Culpepper Still Wants to Make an NFL Comeback.
And the CFL still can't wait for Daunte to lower his expectations.

10) Brady Bunch's Maureen McCormick Releases Shocking New Tell-All Book.
The original title was Everything that Happened to Other Child Stars Also Happened to Me, plus Anal.