Weak Takes
1) Amy Winehouse Heads Back to Rehab. This is one known side-effects of having Gary Busey as your sponsor.
2) Obesity blamed for doubling rate of diabetes over last ten years. We should have never let the Republicans deregulate the food pyramid.
3) Palin Plans Presidential Bid in 2012. Between now and then, Palin plans to brush up on her foreign policy experience by watching the BBC version of the Office.
4) Michael Jackson Will Not Take Part in Jackson Five Reunion. Apparently the only sibling related project that Michael desperately wants in on is the Naked Brothers Band.
5) 49er Coach, Mike Singletary Drops Pants During Halftime Motivational Speech. If this is one of the secrets to the Bear vaunted ’84 defense, I don’t think I want to know anymore.
6) McCain Appears On Saturday Night Live. VP Candidate Biden is said to be under consideration to guest host when SNL moves to their format: the three hour show.
7) High School Musical Tops Box Office Again. This is the closest modern schools will get to having funding for a music department.
8) NBA Coaches Will Now Be Clad in Joseph Abboud’s Clothing. After wearing the suits, they will be donated to needy coaches in the Continental Basketball Association.
9) Joaquin Phoenix gives up movies to pursue music. Apparently Mark Walhberg’s tales of the glory days of Marky E. Mark and the Funky Bunch while on the set of We Own the Night prompted Phoenix’s actions.
10) Falcons Beat Raiders 24-0. Perhaps the Raiders end zone should be renamed the Black Donut Hole.
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